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I. I have a habit
of remembering anniversaries
of sorts,
dates, songs,
places that meant something once,
smells that remember a moment.
Some nights they hit me
so hard–
gyproc and cigarette smoke mixed together.
I remember the weather,
(it was raining and raining, hard and cold, hard and cold wind half-sideways.)
what people were wearing,
Icouldtellyouthoughtitwasalittlesillyonher…
how the light hit the room,
itwasfrombehindshadeturnedaway.
how they said it
how they looked in my eyes.
how I looked back.
it happens whether I want it to or not
eventually;
whether it wants to want me
or I want to want it
doesn’t matter.
Sometimes I want it.
I can also
choose to block memories
but a year ago tonight,
last night whenever
I can remember

II.

Tonight,
I finally needed to tell you something,
and I couldn’t.

If I could
right now,
this minute,
i’d tell you that I
do,
still.

However few,
three
words
they
would not be hard to say.

III.
On December 15, 1916, the French defeated the Germans at the battle of Verdun.
On December 15, 1961, Adolph Eichmann was sentenced to death by an Israli court for war crimes commited under the Nazis during WWII.
On December 15, 1964, Canada adopted it’s current flag, the red maple leaf.
On December 15, 1998, I wrote my final exam in Chemistry 1040 after cramming the entire course in three days. I brought my mark from a pre-final 55 to a final mark of 80. I was young and still felt like the world owed me something. Sometimes you don’t realize the way some things really are ’til long after the fact.
11:45 PM. My sister calls and shit goes down the tubes again.

IV.

V. I figured out
some things
tonight.

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